


Getting the princess a girlfriend

by VelourFanClub (toomanysorrows)



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bad table manners, F/F, Fluff, Reader-Insert, not a lot of other things to tag for tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-26 00:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16209299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanysorrows/pseuds/VelourFanClub
Summary: You are a matchmaker, who gets hired by the new princess Bowsette. You succeed at your job, but in a way you hadn't expected.





	Getting the princess a girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> whelp  
> im gay for bowsette  
> me writing this was inevitable

You were a matchmake. If people wanted to find a romantic match for themselves or their children, they hired you. Many people made use of the services of matchmakers, but you yourself specialised in working for nobility and even royalty. Thanks to a network of connections you were always up to date with all available bachelors and what they were like. Now, usually people were happy with your services, or at the very least if they were disappointed they’d usually just hire someone else. Violence or kidnapping was rarely something that was resorted to. 

This is why you had no idea why you were being kidnapped and dragged away by a bunch of turtles. 

You vaguely recognised them as the koopas king Bowser employed as soldiers, but that didn’t explain much. You’d never so much as seen the man, and as far as you knew he only ever kidnapped princesses, and you most assuredly were not a princess. 

You were bundled off into an airship, still bound, and it flew off. After several hours, the air became hotter and the sky darker. The airship landed, and you were roughly taken in front of a large palace, surrounded by lava. Its jagged silhouette and the ominous glow from the lava around it made it appear intimidating, and you swallowed a bit in fear. You didn’t get a lot of time to admire it however, being dragged inside. You were walked through many long corridors. You tried to distract yourself from thoughts of what was going to happen to you by looking around, but the palace was rather sparsely decorated. Naked, grey stone walls with smoky braziers were the only thing in most halls, with the only somewhat frivolous thing being the rich red carpets on the floor.

Eventually you and your captors reached a set of large wooden doors. One of the koopas went in, coming back a moment later to motion to the others to bring you inside. You were once again manhandled into the room, quickly being untied and getting your gag removed. You looked around the throne-room, still a bit dazed. It wasn’t any less gloomy and ominous than the rest of the castle, but much more decorated. The walls had reliefs carved into them, depicting Bowser himself in various scenes of triumph. Many tall candelabras were spread throughout the room, giving a soft glow. From the ceiling hung a variety of pendants bearing his symbol. It was simple overall, but still managed to exude an atmosphere of dread.

You were snapped out of your daze by a voice coming from the centre of the room, low and somewhat hoarse but unmistakeably feminine.

“I’m glad you like the decorations, but I’d rather get down to business.”

You looked towards the voice. At the end of the room, on an ornate (and very spiky) golden throne sat… someone? You’d expected to see king Bowser here, but the person on the throne looked nothing like the pictures you’d seen of him. They looked human in a lot of ways, With a muscular, curvy body (in a rather form-fitting black dress), a dark-brown skin, and fiery red hair done up in a ponytail. But even so, they had large horns coming from their head, and you could see a yellow tail draped over one of the armrests of the throne. You hesitantly walked towards them.

“Uhm, king Bowser?”

The person sighed, resting their head on one of their arms.

“I guess. Due to some recent… realisations, I go by princess Bowsette now.” She raised an eyebrow at you, frowning and looking overall very menacing.

“I hope that’s not a problem?”

You quickly shook your head.

“Uhm, of course not! But, if I can ask, why am I here.”

“You’re y/n, right? The matchmaker?”

You nodded.

“Thanks in part to this little thing here,” She pointed towards the small pink crown on top of her head, “I’ve had to think about stuff. And I’ve come to the conclusion that the whole evil tyrant schtick isn’t working out very well. My kingdom hasn’t become bigger, and pretty much any attempt to get Peach to marry me has failed. So I’ve decided not to waste my time on that anymore. But, I still want to get a girlfriend. That’s where you come in.”

“Wait, you want to hire me?”

“Exactly.”

You frowned, crossing your arms, and before you could stop yourself you'd spoken.

“No offense your Highness, but you could have just sent me a letter then, instead of kidnapping me.”

She shrugged, and you were admittedly surprised that she didn't get angrier at your bold words.

“It got you here, did it not? Same result. Plus, I tried that before with other matchmakers, and every time I just got a letter full of ass-kissing and apologies about how their schedule doesn’t allow them to make it, in such an overblown way that it was clearly just an excuse. If I’d kept trying that there would soon be none left to ask. Just think of this as a funny story you can tell your kids later or something.”

You sighed, nodding. At least she was a princess, so hopefully you’d get paid well for all of this. 

“Very well your Highness. If I could get something to write on, and I guess we can get started on this by you telling me more about yourself?”

She grinned, snapping her fingers for some servants, who immediately came hurrying to you with a pen and some paper, and she started talking.

\----- 

You could confidently say that this was the hardest job you’d ever had. One of the biggest problems was of course Bowsette’s reputation: she’d spent years and years kidnapping princesses, conquering kingdoms and overall looking like she was a monster bent on world-domination (which, to be fair, she had been), and as a consequence not a lot of people in nearby lands were very eager for a date with her. Your first thought had been to solve this by pairing her with a just as evil person, but she herself had firmly put a stop to that.

“Listen, this whole thing is about me making a new start. Being evil hasn’t helped me in the slightest, so I’m going to stop it. So the last thing that I want is to be married to some genocidal dickhead.”

Truth be told, you were somewhat relieved by that, as you were not excited about the possibility of being responsible for some evil power-couple conquering the world. That said, it did leave you without a lot of options. Aside from her less than stellar reputation, she barely had any hobbies, since she had apparently been too occupied with trying to kidnap Peach and taking over the universe to really bother with them. On the list were: hammer-throwing and racing, and you very much doubted you could do much with that first one. You’d considered maybe using Bowser jr. to help get candidates with maternal desires interested, but after you’d met him, you decided that would be the opposite of a good idea.

Still, you were good at your job, so you managed to find her dates here and there, but none of them were very successful. There was always something that made either bowsette or the date uninterested in continuing to see each other. One time it had seemed to be going smoothly. You had found some lady who was very interested in race cars, and the two had hit it off as Bowsette showed her her collection, but they got into a fiery discussion about what kind of wheels were best and it had ended with both parties fuming.

In the meantime, you tried to help her improve her odds. Due to the whole “being a villain for years” thing there were many things to work on. First there was the palace decoration. Now, the whole ‘dark walls with lava’ aesthetic wasn’t too bad in and of itself. A bit hellish sure, but not necessarily unattractive. But the interior was just so bare, you couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to live in such a place. So you did your best to help her redecorate it to make it more appealing, while keeping to the aesthetics she liked. Big chandeliers here and there, paintings with dark and red tones, suits of armour, red curtains, elegant furniture made of black wood, things like that. Sure, it maybe wasn’t the classical royal style of lace, white furniture and landscape paintings, but at least the palace didn’t look like one big dungeon anymore. You were quite proud of it really.

The other thing was that her manners were absolutely atrocious. She didn’t even use cutlery when eating! You were fairly certain that a lot of the dates had gone wrong just because of this, so of course, it needed to be solved. At first you’d just suggested hiring an etiquette teacher, but just like when she’d tried to hire a matchmaker, every one she contacted had some elaborate excuse ready (which were very much just excuses, Jacques’ mother had been dead for years so it was very strange for him to attend a sudden funeral for her now). Hoping to prevent another poor sod the panic of a kidnapping, you decided to just teach her yourself. You’d picked up enough knowledge of sophisticated manners over the years to think you could at least help a little bit. So you ended up eating dinner with her every evening, constantly having to correct her if she did something impolite. It seemed to irritate her, but over time she improved and the dinners actually became enjoyable. She had a surprisingly good chef, and was surprisingly easy to talk to. You actually started looking forward to them.

She didn’t need a lot of help with her clothing at least. While her tastes were admittedly not very orthodox for a princess, they certainly fit her and her palace. She seemed to like dark clothes, with a bit of a punk vibe, as well as spiky jewellery. It fit her, but you soon found out that after her transformation she’d only had the one dress, that she’d been wearing all this time. So as soon as possible you got in contact with a tailor you knew, who catered to royals. At least this one didn’t make up an excuse (though only because he knew you, probably), and it wasn’t long before she had a new, impressive wardrobe. You’d also gotten her to visit a jeweller specialised in jewellery for royals, and while you had to stop her from buying some very over the top necklaces, overall it was a success.  
You were honestly surprised how easy it was to get along with Bowsette throughout it all. She could be somewhat… temperamental, and her past as a villain occasionally showed (though usually more in awkward than bad ways), but she was surprisingly fun to be around. And honestly, it didn’t help that she was pretty nice to look at. Over the days you’d fallen into something of a routine while living in the castle and helping her, but unfortunately that didn’t last.

The help you’d given Bowsette had clearly paid off. At her next date, nothing went wrong, and she came back with a very happy smile. When you contacted the date later, she said she’d greatly enjoyed her time with the princess and would love to see her again. So of course, another date was set up, and another, and another. It was clear that the relationship was going well, so inevitably, you decided it was time to leave as your job was accomplished. You couldn’t really explain the slight twinge in your chest that this thought caused you.  
You had just started packing when you heard a knock at the door. Opening it, you noticed a koopa.

“Her majesty requests your presence in her throneroom.”

You raised an eyebrow, confused why she summoned you, but nodded, closing the door and heading to the throne room. There, she was sitting on her throne. She looked up when she saw you.

“There you are. You missed dinner.”

You bowed slightly.

“Sorry, I was busy packing.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Packing? Are you leaving?

“Well, it seems things are going well between you and the princess. So my job is accomplished.”

She sunk back a bit further in the throne, frowning. 

“I guess you’re right. How much do I owe you?”

“I’ll send you the bill later, if that’s allright.”

She sighed, which you assumed was because of the inconvenience of not being able to pay you immediately.

“Very well. I’ll send some of my soldiers to escort you home safely then.”

\---- 

You had expected that to be the end of it. Normally, your client paid you, and at most you were invited to the wedding of the couple you brought together, or maybe the baby shower, but otherwise there wasn’t much of a relationship after your job was done. So you quickly settled into your old routine. Admittedly you missed Bowsette slightly, she’d been surprisingly pleasant company, and coming home from a job did always make you fully realise just how empty your house could be. But you figured it would pass.  
Only a week later, you got a letter.

 

‘Y/N,  
Unfortunately things between me and the princess didn’t work out. I’d like to hire you again.  
Bowsette’

 

It was short and to the point, as was to be expected from someone like her, but nevertheless it surprised you. As far as you could tell the two of them had been getting along great, you hadn’t expected them to break up, especially not so soon. You wrote back to say that you accepted the job, curious about what happened, and soon you were being brought back to the palace by some koopas (without being kidnapped this time.)

When you asked about the breakup Bowsette just shrugged, just saying that they weren’t compatible after all. You frowned, but didn’t think much of it. Sometimes these things happened. Soon you were back to looking for any girls interested in Bowsette. You found them, but something strange started happening. It was just like when you’d first started looking for dates for her, every one of them went extremely wrong. One time you had discreetly observed them in the restaurant where they were eating and it seemed like Bowsette had completely forgotten all the etiquette lessons you’d taught her, eating with her mouth open, not using cutlery, burping, all of that. And frankly, she behaved quite rudely. You needed to talk with her.

“Okay, what happened?”

She just inspected her nails nonchalantly, as if nothing was wrong.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

You sighed. 

“You know what I’m talking about. You’re behaving like when we first started this thing again. All of the girls are disgusted. You’re never going to get a girlfriend like this you know.”

“So? I mean, that means you get paid more right, the longer I need you to help?”

“I’m not just a professional here, Bowsette. I do consider you a friend, and frankly, I want to see you happy.”

She mumbled something that you assumed to be some snappy remark.

“What?”

“I said you make me happy!”

You went silent, not having expected that. Bowsette blushed, folding you’re her arms over her chest and looking away as she continued.

“I like you, okay? You’re not afraid of me, and you don’t take my bullshit, and you’re pretty cute. When you left I started to feel lonely in the castle, so I figured breaking things off with that princess, and then ruining all the other dates, would be a good way to just keep you around.”

You started laughing, and she glared at you.

“What, I’m serious here! That’s no way to react to a lady confessing to you…”

You held up your hand in a gesture of peace, still chuckling a bit.

“No, no, I’m not laughing with you. I just… I guess I did a good job after all finding you a girlfriend then, huh?”

She smiled slightly, showing off her fangs. 

“Yeah, I guess. So does that mean you feel the same way?”

You nodded.

“Yeah, I do. I’ll be your girlfriend… but on one condition.”

She raised an eyebrow, confused. 

“Oh?”

“We go on a date and you make sure to remember your manners.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Fine, but the date better be worth it then."


End file.
